You never really know as a parent what’s going through the mind of your teenager, do you?

I’ve come to the conclusion, that actually, that’s probably for the best in the long run.

For the most part, I try to figure out what mine might be thinking (because it wasn’t all THAT long ago I was one, right? ) at exactly the same time as I’m wrestling with the fact I’ve just heard one of my own parents’ phrases fall out of MY mouth.

How did THAT happen?!

As much as your teenage son or daughter is grappling with everything being a teenager entails, you’re going through a second age of wonderment, trying to piece together when exactly you became old?!

It must’ve happened in the same blip that took place when I carried my baby boy home from the hospital only for him to wake up the next day and announce he’s sitting his Nat 5 exams next week.

That can’t be. I’m NOT READY.

I don’t know about him!

So far as studying goes, we’re kind of operating a policy of ‘you can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’.

Or, in this instance, I could glue his hands to a desk full of past papers but it wouldn’t mean he’d study them, and not specifically because he couldn’t turn the pages.

We couple the ‘you’re responsible’ policy alongside ‘subtle guilt’.

‘Remember son, if it doesn’t go well, it’s not me you’re letting down. I’ll get up the day after and still have a job to go to. My life won’t have changed….. (PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT AND BACKGROUND LIGHTING)….but yours will’.

Whether it has the desired effect or not will only become evident in the longer term.

Too harsh?!

Things I’ve learned in this process?

• I’m more nervous for his exams than I was my own
• We really never can tell what’s going through their heads

My Dad did a number on me at exam time. It must have bothered him his entire life, and he was determined it wouldn’t destroy me.

So he’d thought about it, and this was what he came up with.

“Are you nervous about the exams Son?”

“Dunno Dad. I suppose a bit”

“Why?”

“…Huh? Well, just am, you know”

“Don’t be. Don’t worry…..You hear me?”

“….uh…..y-e-a-h……OK….”

“Do you know why?”

“…..n-o…?”

“Because it won’t make any difference. Whether you’re going to pass or fail is all pretty much decided beforehand by how much work you’ve put in. Worrying about it on the day isn’t going to make a difference. Not a positive one anyway. There’s no point. So, go in, do your best, and whatever happens, your Mum and I will be proud of you, but there’s no point in worrying about it, so really TRY not to. OK?”

And I didn’t.

This isn’t a fairytale. I didn’t pass everything. Not second time around anyway. I distinctly remember trying to persuade my parents that the entry ‘NA’ next to my Higher Maths stood for Natural Ability.

In retrospect, I don’t recommend that course of evasive action.

But here’s the thing.

Because that had worked with me, and has all my life, (due to my Dad making it his life’s work to come up with a solution I could action ) – I wanted to pass it on, be THAT useful for my own Son.

And this is what blew me away.

I asked him in a quieter moment in the run-up,

“Are you nervous about the exams, Son?”

“N-o……well, not r-e-a-l-ly…”

“What bothers you about them, then?”

“I’m not nervous about sitting them. I’m nervous about NOT sitting them”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Well, the last couple of years, the kids in school haven’t been able to sit exams, and if the same thing happens to me and they’re cancelled again, how will anybody know what I can or can’t do?”

And there you have it.

A kid crippled by fear about the upcoming exams a few weeks out.

Not because he hasn’t put the work in.

Not because he has an unhealthy fear of examinations in themselves.

A fear the world won’t be able to judge him on his merits if he’s got no piece of paper to back any of it up.

So, no, you never really know what’s going through the mind of your teenager, but I think, nine times out of ten, a bit of reassurance and support, letting them know, no matter what happens, so long as they give it a bloody good go, you’ll be there for them on the other side to tackle whatever comes next – goes a long way.

Good luck with the exams.

And don’t worry.